August 15th- Apart of my Journey

Psalm 121

New King James Version (NKJV)

God the Help of Those Who Seek Him

A Song of Ascents.

121 I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
From whence comes my help?
² My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.

³ He will not allow your foot to be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
⁴ Behold, He who keeps Israel
Shall neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade at your right hand.
⁶ The sun shall not strike you by day,
Nor the moon by night.

⁷ The Lord shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.
⁸ The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in
From this time forth, and even forevermore

 

August 15th, a day in history that has  changed the course of my life forever. Here I am , 25 years after, a fitful and restless night, an early morning rise that had me questioning the meaning and purpose of my life. Reflecting especially on the last year, the  betrayal and hurt by  the one I loved so dearly. Wondering if God is still there, if He cares. I am  reviewing  in my head, what I wanted my life to be. What I thought  my sense of purpose and calling was,  to be a wife and a stay at home momma of 6 children. I am reflecting on how I am husbandless, childless and the fear of facing the future getting older and alone. Does Jesus really cares? Is He still with me? What is the purpose of my life? What is the meaning of  all this brokenness and barrenness?  Will I ever see the Son /sun rise or shine  again in my life? Will I ever have joy or peace in my life?  Where do I go from here? What is His will for me?

 

And just has I could not sleep in the early dawn, I woke up to read the Psalms posted on my phone  as a daily subscription. The words of comfort came  like a sting  from a wasp on an unsuspecting face. It jolted  me  from my defeating thoughts. Oh such appropriate and fitting words  for the fury of thoughts and the state of my  mind. The Son is indeed shining, He is with me. As if kissed  by my beloved, The Lord reminded me that He is My Help. He is neither slumbering nor sleeping. He sees me. His eyes are on me 24/7. The magnitude of this reality blew  my mind away. Nothing that I have faced, is currently facing or will  ever face in the future , was and will be beyond His notice. He had not shut His eyes for not even a millisecond on the circumstances of my life. He was and  is the keeper of my life. The beginning to the  end is all in His hands. His promise is never  to leave me nor forsake me. He is my shade. I will not be struck down by anything. He is keeping me from evil and guiding my every step, my going out and coming in, not only now but forever.

 

I don't know what the future holds, and I know some of the things I am now dealing with are because of the poor choices that I have made. All I can do Lord is trust in your forgiveness ,  healing power, mercy, grace  and divine will. I know that 25 years ago you did not take my life when all indications were that I should have  been  buried in the grave. I know there is a purpose for my existence. And though I may have thwarted it by my actions or the enemy tries to derail it, I am reclaiming my life.  I am placing it totally in your Hands: the keeper of my soul. I am ever  grateful for the strong reminder that  regardless of everything  that I have been through,  I am still blessed and highly favored. That you hold me, your little girl, in the cradle of your Everlasting Arms.  I am never alone.  You   literally had my back 25 years ago and you've still  got it. You have gone to prepare a place for me and just cannot wait to  have me  with you in this mansion. Help me to keep things in perspective and realize that  the trials in this life could very well be your mercies in disguise. These happen to keep me focus and remind me that this is not my home, not a spot to get comfortable in. Help me to have a forgiving heart, to let go of the past, the hurt, pain and  anger.  In your kingdom of grace, please recycle my mistakes and shortcomings into good, for your sake. Though I am at a crossroad and  faces uncertainty with the job, a decision as where to go from here,  a big beautiful empty house, singleness , loss of friendships and fellowship, I  really cannot wait to see what you are about to do with the rest of  my life.  Help me to embrace this season , to dream  again, to be passionate about serving my fellow human being and most of all to trust your divine will, knowing that everyday of my life before they were form, you knew it. . I love you, my dearest  daddy ooo !!!!